Have you ever wondered how Raging Raptor came to be? You already know that five total geeks came together to make people laugh, but what about before that?
500 Million B.C.E.: A large, hungry velociraptor named Fenghis Khan feels a sudden urge to make his fellow velociraptors laugh. The soul of RRP is formed by Fenghis.
Year 0: Jesus Christ was born and nailed to the cross. Only Jews can see the truth: guys, it was just a bunch of magic tricks. So much ado about nothing.
19??: Mike and Ben are born at exactly the same time. Sean and Ian are both created as robots, and Sam appears out of thin air. Jim is the incestuous son of a shark and a M0t0rb1k3. Spelled exactly like that.
1990: Sean and Ian undergo experimental surgery to transform them into humans, sort of like in that one Isaac Asimov movie. You know the one? Anyway, there bodies are transformed, but their minds can still communicate with machinery, like that kid from Heroes.
1996: An event takes place that shall never be spoken of ever again. Deal with it.
1999: Hippies finally go out of style.
2000: Y2K is born. Everyone is annoyed. Jesus comes back and tells Sam that he's very, very angry. Sam comments that Jesus doesn't get angry. Jesus disappears in a puff of logic. Only the Jews see the truth: guys, It was just a bunch of magic tricks. So much ado about nothing. Oranges grow abnormally large this year. Bush is elected president.
2001: Ben wakes up as a giant angry robot from the year 2299. The next day he is back to normal. From that day forward, he has not had a hormonal gland.
2002-2004: These were quite possibly the most boring years in recorded human history. Many died from sheer boredom. Three died due to organ failure in Afghanistan. One Mexican died from not eating tacos for three days.
2005: Bungie gives birth to Rooster Teeth, and immediately has sex with it to produce a game and a series.
2006: The WiiS3 is released. PS3 owners died of sheer disappointment while others died waiting to get a Wii. Both failed.
2008: All three halo games come out at the exact same time. Raging Raptor is born in the chaos. Small particles collect and eventually form gravitational fields. The largest of these clumps of matter becomes RRP as we know it today. w00t. Also, the three-sided polygon known as the triangle becomes feared and respected the world over. PS3 tries to pull a Rocky manuever, and come back from the bottom, and it almost made it. There was only one roadblock: after ten trillion movies, nobody likes Rocky anymore.
2010: The Miami Dolphins win the Super Bowl, Pennant, World Series, World Cup, and Winter Olympics. Jesus Christ is resurrected for a third time. He then was hired at the white house. Only the Jews see the truth: guys, politics is just a bunch of magic tricks. So much ado about nothing.